想念的心...

今天是你的生日
昨晚问朋友有没有你在那的联络方法
他们都说没有
很伤心

真的很希望能陪你渡过你的生日
但明白我没那个资格
没想到你朋友不知今天是你的生日
那去年你有庆祝生日吗
还是就一个人渡过
我是否有机会陪你渡过你的下一个生日？？
你会给我那个机会吗？
但我想
就算你给我机会
我也把握不了吧
我就只希望那么的一天
但这好像也是奢侈

为什么你会这么快就否定了我们
或许你还是理智的吧
虽然我也很明白我们的处境
我也曾经想过
但我真的很希望能有那么的一个机会
我知道你一定会对我很好
不会让我学坏
我也希望我有能力令你为我而改变
但明白那是不可能的
以前的她能吗？？

我知道那次你是真的给我们一个机会了
只是我没好好地把握
让你生气了
我知道你很努力地忍着你的怒气
比起来
我宁愿你会骂我
就算是一些很难听的话

那晚你过得开心吗？
我不希望你因为我而不开心
我真的很想知道你是怎样渡过那晚的
我希望你不会喝很多
我怪我自己
为什么会那么没用
在那么开心的日子惹你生气了
对不起...对不起...对不起...

那晚我叫你忘记我的存在
你问我这是我想要的吗？
这不是我要的
我只是不希望我让你不开心
唯有忘了我
你才能开心渡过那晚
我解释了
你只说了一句如你所愿就没理我了
真的觉得自己很没用
都这么大了
还不能做自己想做的事
我知道我让你很失望
那晚我是在眼泪中渡过的
我希望你不是在酒精中渡过

当你说你原谅我时
我真的很开心
但是你还是对我很冷淡
或许我们真的是两个世界的人
找不到共同的话题
但我真的很希望
我能了解你
我很羡慕你身边的朋友
他们都有机会好好地了解你
但我唯一知道的就是
你绝对是百分百好人

真的很想你
我想你应该不想让任何人知道这一切
我会如你所愿的
这是我唯一能为你做的
也在我能力范围内
我知道这是微不足道的


刚才吃饭时说起今天有五个朋友生日
爸就说我只注重朋友的生日
什么都不用理了
这是什么话
为什么会说出这样的话？？
我只是一个中学生
我只是想过一个中学生应该过的生活
难道这也是奢侈吗？

为什么总是觉得我现在过的生活一切都是奢侈
为什么时代一直在进步
人还要往过去看？？
为什么不尝试去了解我想要的生活
为什么总是对我所作的一切不满足
我已经很努力了
为什么还是满足不了你们

有时我会想
这样的日子很快就过去了
忍一忍吧
我真的很希望能有能力一个人生活
唯有这样才能离开这样的生活
所以我一直都很向往你的生活
而你却每次都说我不了解你的生活
但我知道至少你是自由的
真的觉得你很优秀
你让我觉得很惭愧

the l@st t3ar...

a useless galz like me
y i still control myself?
y i still care of it?
not i ady tell myself dun drop tear bcause of it again
when only can i get well from tat

these few days is really bad
always think of tat
y u want told me tat?
y dun juz let me hate u
tat will be better for me
y want gv me a hope but not hope
tis make me always out of control

i think i ady get well from tat
but i'm wrong
can i make today's tear as the last tear??
i hope i won't drop any tear bcause of tis again
i should be strong a bit...

1 week life~~

tis week
got a bit special
JY can recess wif us ady~~
on monday...
1st time we 6 ppl walk tgt during recess
i like tat feel
i hope everyday we can do the same thing
although sometimes we hv some misunderstood between us
but i noe we sure can go through it and settle it
i hope i won't lost u all
as my bbf

tis week i got a bit emo
dun like to talk
dun like to smile
juz wanna be alone
do my thing
i hope i can be stronger
won't be so weak
i like tat emo galz
although i want be alone
but i will still tgt wif u all
u all let me noe tat i'm not alone

i start to like rock
everyday muz hear it
if not i will felt tat i lack of something
rock can make me become stronger
not afraid anything
won't let my feel control me
try to dun care of everything
everything is ntg special
i really hope i can do tat

on friday
all my changes gone
although i smile as usual
but i dun like tis galz
tis gals is a weak n uselass person
always control by other
can i change 100% before i leave tis skol??

at night
i thinking of u
i noe i should not so tat
i think of everything between us
i hate tis galz
i should not do such thing
tis will make me bcome a weak person
y i'm so useless
tat time my heart is very luan
i cannot cold down myself at all
i felt scare
i let myself read novel non-stop
i noe i cannot be stop read it
if not i will be more worst
1 sms save me up
thanks for tat

after i finish tat novel
my heart is cold down
1.45am 11/7/09
i tell u i want to sleep
u ask me dun think so muz
i noe u a gud guy
thx for tat
i hope u hv a sweet dream too
we r both the same

saturday
we hv a "half" day camp
all the program damn nice
better than last year
i felt proud of tat
tat mean our orchestra classic bcome much better
i hope new AJK can done a gd job
i trust u all

at 1st
we play "lao ying zhuo xiao ji"
although u all will say its damn childish
at 1st i think of tis too
but when i play it
it damn nice
full of laugh, shout
not bad

2nd game is hide-ang-seek
4 AJK is hide in a place
we nid to find out them according to our clue
my group is he/she got bring wisel + auntie head
omg
auntie head
i think beatrice will burst when se heard of it
when we all go find her
1st AJK we c is mean shan
when i saw her
i tell all of them she not auntie head
let's go n find
haha
after tat we found beatrice at bilik persalinan there
we all LIFT her tgt to anjung D
she so scare
i can c tat her tear come out ady
haha

3rd is treasure hunt
we nid to find out 4 paper
but we think tat the 1st paper they gv us is not counted
so we keep find tat "4th" paper
when we noe tat the paper they gv us is counted
we all almost want burst liao
cause we had find the "4th" paper for a long time!!
all ppl go back anjung wif a black face except for me
wei jun say i so special
everyone come back wif a black face except for me still laugh there
haha

the last game is water
all wet
except for pn. chong
haha
u noe wat we will do on her
she so scare of us
cause she wearing a white shirt
haha

after we hv a small jamuan
got pizza, KFC, n others
not bad
i like it
after tat is our photo time

such a tired day...

Report card, IOI trip...

yesterday was hari terbuka... take our report card... tat day b4 it... i ask my mum come on8am... but she say she still din wake up...= = if not wrong... she got work de rite?? how come 8am still sleeping lerhx?? as i noe... she wake up about 7.30am de worhx... kek sei ngo... but today she come about 9.00... it's ok... at least not after 10.00~~ it counted as gud ady... zk's mum come before my mum... so she will take 1st... after tat is my turn... when my mum sit down there... she sign all the 3 papers... after tat... she ask teacher i got always talk in class or not... teacher say got!! talk wif fren... my mum say talk is ok... the important is i got study... haha~~ but i still zha dao by my mum lerhx... after tat she pay the fee... before she leave the seat... she ask again...= =... how about my results?? teacher say other is ok... juz my english... haiz... same thing... from primary still now... everytime aso is tis 2 thing... talking in class + language bad... the diff is... before is the teacher tell my mum... but tis time is my mum ask automatics...= =

afternoon go ioi wif xd, mb n their sis frens... maybe u all will wonder y u will go wif their sis's fren... actually i dun noe tat before... wat i think is juz me, md n xd go tgt...blur...@.@ so tat i say i want go too...i eat 3 times there : Mc, next stop n another one dun noe is wat... i noe sure i will fat liao...

because is hari terbuka... a lot sek 4 student there... got wei khong gang, my gang, vincent gang n some i dun noe de gang... so re nao lerhx... can c sek 4 student everywhere...

at pupolar, bcause of some lil prob.. i almost want fight wif tat cashier liao... tat cashier really very funny lerhx... he say we all(my gang & vincent gang) very noisy in front of the counter... keep saying we r "现在的年轻人"... act like he very old not nian qing ren liao like tat...= =" keep say me dun noe how to biao da... biao da neng li cha... but... at last he ren shu to me liao~~ haha...is he himself li jie neng li cha larhx~~ haha... he aso say me you dao li... so hao wan lerhx~~ after tat... he ask me still got any changes or not... i say dun noe orhx... if want change i will come on sunday de... he hear tat he immediately say sunday he dun want come to work liao... popular off tat day... haha... i say him u so shuai... he say he jk de~~ haha~~ i WON~~

after tat we got take a lil photo~~mb keep ask me to let her wear my wai tao... keep take it of from me... at the centre of the road... omg...

ioi trip

last friday...go out wif my gang + 1 cute guy... bfore we go ioi, we gather at JY house for ADD MATH PROJECT... but the actual thing happen is... laptop, friendster, facebook... omg... ur add math project bcome fs n facebook liao... the day bfore tat day... i ady ask myself... tmr really can add math project?? or talking??haha... i so liao jie all of us... juz 10minute about project thing... about 3 hours is talking + on9...

after tat... bcause too many ppl... JY's dad fetch 7 of us go to ioi 1st before they go register the car learning... 6 of us r sitting behind... yeng?? after tat me, YJ & XD go ioi 1st... then only they go to register the car learning... before JY, ZK, KY & WY come... me, YJ, XD & the cute guy go popular 1st... there, i buy liquid paper n 2 novel... RM30 gone... my heart broken...

when we go wong kok... all ppl r order stick except for me & the cute guy... bcause i like spicy, i order a very spicy de noodle... the cute guy order a yuk ding noodle... when the yuk ding noodle come... bcause the yuk ding is under the noodle... when i ask KY the noodle is who de... she straightly say is me de... so i start to eat... after tat, another noodle come... when the noodle come... i din notice the noodle at all... only noe its bowl very big... when he ask the noodle is who de... only i notice the noodle... when i saw the corn corn thing... i straightly say omg, is me de, i eat wrong ady... bcause he sit bside me... i heard he say : la de worhx... from tis sentence... i noe tat he cannot eat spicy de... haha... i pity him, bcause he nid to finish my spicy noodles... when eating, i always look at him n laugh... me very shuai rite?? haha... i think he scare to me ady...

when we go shopping... only i noe tat he dun noe we all r gal... bfore he come, he think we got gal + guy... y got guy so cute 1?? din ask probably got guy or not... simply promise to come... WY taught him... next time, bfore promise to go anywhere wif fren, ask probably got who go, got guy or not... omg =.="